Hey Buddy, can I get a Coifeee..?

Before we start, I would like to make it clear that there is no need to send for the Grammar Police … I am fully aware that is not a civilised way to treat the word ‘coffee’ (nor, I should also point out, have I ever called anyone ‘Buddy’) … I was merely presenting the word so that it hinted at American origin, a place where, along with manners, they are yet to invent spelling.

Our American friend recently presented some fine examples of what I wanted to go into today … which is that, as much as it is essential to build a good relationship with your customers, there is also a certain wisdom in, as a customer, going out of your way to build a good relationship with those who you do business with…

Now, as  you can imagine, I am well known at our approved getaway spot as something of a character, so somebody with a slightly Machiavellian turn of mind (to be precise the girl in charge of the breakfast restaurant who goes shopping with ‘She Who Must…’ occasionally) suggested that rather than continue commenting daily on my sub standard omelettes  … why don’t I wander in to the kitchen and ‘teach’ chef how it’s done…?

So I am encouraged to take the Executive Chef by the paw and demonstrate the approved omelette making method…..an entertaining ten minutes ensues with several of the waiting staff (those who have experience in the hotel or restaurant trade will know that waiters and cooks are usually sworn enemies) videoing me in the kitchen teaching a Greek chef to cook…

To be fair, he plays along with it and explains, that whilst I might be a great gourmand, most of my fellow guests are rather basic and don’t appreciate the subtleties of omelette making and would whinge if there were ‘uncooked bits’ (but in my view, who likes fried eggs with hard yolks, so why cook an omelette till it’s like rubber?)…

Anyway, every morning for the rest of my stay, despite my new little friend encouraging me to ask for ever more complex fillings, I had a perfect omelette delivered to my table by ‘Exec Cookie’ in person … most of the girls who work there and one or two of the boys kiss now me every morning as well (it’s a foreign thing, and don’t worry, it’s under control) amidst stares from every other person present who wonders what exactly I’ve done to qualify for such special treatment….

Most notably among these is an American guest who looks, quite frankly, like he has a body in the boot of his car (or should that be trunk?)  I have dubbed him ‘Joey’ since he could easily star in ‘The Sopranos’, saying things, in strong nasal New Yoik/Brooklyn accent like “hey buddy, can I get a coifeee, make it decaf, capishe?”

He has also endeared himself to the locals by warning his children (equally rotund and socially inept by the way) about the tame cats that wander around Cyprus waiting for food scraps “loik, little Joey, dese tings are like WILD animals, so stay away…”

There are, of course, no prizes for guessing which of us would get the last remaining dinner reservation or the benefit of any complimentary extras that may have been on offer … and this is all due to the relationship I have built up with everybody there over time.

As much as I would love to think that some of the extremely good rates and prices I am able to negotiate are down solely to my killer haggling skills, I am more certain that any business done on the platform of a good relationship is far, far better than any done with some faceless contact and based purely on price, and over time will bring far greater benefits…

Until Next Time,


Tim Lowe
Publisher, Tim’s Business Lowe Down

Tim Lowe